A Step-by-Step plan to break the impasse in a Relationship

The most important thing to know about relationships (whether with a loved one, with friends, with superiors or subordinates, with children or with parents) is that the relationship must come to a standstill.

The impasse in a relationship doesn't mean that it's time for it to end, it means that it's time to move on to a new round of development.

No one in a relationship has ever been willing or will ever be willing to voluntarily move to the next level. Why would a man want to change anything if he's doing just fine?? And so it is only when the resentment boils and the conflict boils fire, the two will have to choose: either to disperse in different directions, or find new points of contact.

So, conflict is inevitable. And over the course of life is inevitable many times with the same partner, rising with him in a spiral to newer and newer turns of the relationship.

The question arises: are you ready for conflict?? How do you want to go through them: like before, suffering, killing your nerve cells, hurting the person close and meaningful to you, feeling like a victim of his manipulation and taking revenge for the wrongs done?

Or you would still like to remain calm, common sense, understanding of your needs and your partner's needs to make better choices for both parties?

The ability to remain at peace by allowing the other to be different (not what you expect to see) is called differentiation and essentially means growing up.

There are few adult, harmonious couples in the world. They know the secrets of getting through conflicts and get through them peacefully, rising spiral by spiral in the harmony of their relationship.

Basically, couples on this planet are low-differentiated and emotionally fused with each other, demanding like executioners and controllers to strictly fulfill their whims.

People with low differentiation create such pressure on the partner that the partner has to relieve the tension on a third object, which is not necessarily a lover or mistress, most often it is not even a person, but some addiction or hobby. For example, fishing, soccer, drinking alcohol, being in the garage, fixing the car, or hanging out with girlfriends.

Walking away from your Tyrant so you don't feel like a Victim is the relationship scenario for low-differentiated couples. Everybody suffers: the participants, their children, their friends who have to become interpreters for the tears and sobs of the conflicting parties.

If the world is set up in such a way that conflicts are inevitable and will accompany everyone throughout life in order for a person to differentiate and mature, then the need to know the secrets of an easy way out of conflicts to the next level of the relationship is quite obvious.

I turn to you, my dear reader! You want to know HOW to get out of conflict with your significant other?

If your answer is, "Yes!", then read on carefully!

For starters, there are three basic relationship presuppositions:

1. In order to continue the relationship, you must give your partner new information about yourself.

2. Information about each person is always divided into: - An attractive, desirable image of yourself in the eyes of others (I'm good) and - An unattractive image of oneself in one's own eyes (I am bad).

3. Each party in a relationship prefers to reveal to their partner the attractive image of themselves and hide the unattractive image of themselves - those qualities of character and soul that can be judged and rejected.

Proceeding from these three statements, it is obvious that, sooner or later, partners will run out of the information about themselves by which they drew the attention of the other party to their persona.

They want to allow another to explore himself more deeply, but then the information will be revealed about which one does not want to admit, not even to his partner, not even to himself.

Well, how do I tell him that I feel unworthy of such happiness - to receive his attention and courtship? And if she finds out that I like other women besides her? Shit... It would be such a scandal that it's better to keep quiet and live in peace. It pisses me off! She probably thinks that because she's my boss, she's allowed to give me errands with her nasty tone of voice. I hate her! If I had the chance, I would hit her over the head with a quarterly report, but now I have to smile sweetly at this viper. This fat cow has had enough of me. Sitting at home, eating and munching! And thinks everyone is admiring her asshole! When unpleasant information about oneself is not acknowledged by the person, it becomes the Shadow that relationship partners point the finger at.

And what does each side expect from the relationship??

That the partner would turn a blind eye to the Shadow and never even mention it.

Often we require our partner not to see our flaws and praise our virtues:

If you really loved me, you wouldn't just say nasty things in front of my parents! We do not realize that the requirement not to see our negative sides is energy vampirism for the reason that by doing so we force our partner to make an enormous effort to plaster his wounds and cracks together with us, from which the Shadows begin to jump out and, like devils, lead their round dance.

And please don't keep telling my mom that her daughter still only makes scrambled eggs for breakfast! I don't tell yours that her son's hands are out of his ass and he hasn't been able to fix one bathroom faucet in a year! When parties want to continue a relationship, but are not ready to admit their own shadows (provide information about a negative image of themselves), they vampire each other, wanting to create an attractive image of themselves in the eyes of others at the expense of the other.

I beg you very much: at the table at my mother's house, behave like a gentleman - kindly ask her about the weather, pour her tea, inquire about her health. I don't want her to tell me again who I married! What will your partner do when he is asked to lend you his energy?? Two or three times he'll do what he's asked for (a loan), and then close up and demand to return the debt through criticism. That is to say, fan the flames of conflict.

Your mother is who she married? She can't stand talking about your father, that loser she ran away from to your stepfather. This guy's a real piece of work, you gotta save the little girls from him. Man, if I'd known who I was marrying, I never would have been in your family Adams. Oh, you don't like our family! Look how gentle we are. Your mother is a pure devil, pretending to be an angel. At every corner she says: "Oh, my poor son. How unlucky he is with his wife. If I had chosen a normal person, I would have chosen a redneck. And your son chose a normal one, not like a mother. Do not touch my mother, or I'll say such things about your mother that you will be ashamed all your life that you were born with her!!! So, in any conflict the parties get to know each other's shady sides and announce them, less often they keep silent in order not to offend their partners... To accuse or to keep silent is one outcome: the dead end of the relationship.

What's to be done? Globally, you need to acknowledge your Shadows on your own. But where can we get the strength to recognize those negative parts of ourselves which we are used to hiding all our life??

The undifferentiated mind is used to looking for support from others. "Since he considers himself loved and close, let him support me and not say nasty things about me.".

Only an adult self-consciousness can see the love for his person behind the criticism. After all, if people take an interest in us, any kind of attention is already a form of love.

Alas, it takes energy, support, to understand and see self-love when Shadow criticism is coming.

One's strongest ability is the ability to support oneself. Not to demand support from his partner, especially when he himself is wounded, but to receive it from himself.

- How is it, you ask??

We all know that we are descended from mommy and daddy and we have a feminine part and a masculine part.

The male part is called the Inner Man, or Animus.

The feminine part is called the Inner Woman, or Anima.

The Anima is the true soulmate for every man. The Animus is every woman's faithful protector.

It is the Anima that can support a man in conflict. Only the Animus will give safety and security to a woman when she is abused.

The ability to summon one's true soulmate in any disturbing situation frees one from the need for energy vampirism.

What does a person who is free from the need for the support of others look like?? As a free, full of charm and naturalness, charisma and charm, magnetically attractive and charming with his energy.

Someone who reaches the level of connection with their Anima/Animus no longer vampires, they become a giving resource, and consequently people, money, relationships are attracted to them. His energy grows, he grows younger and healthier.

It's not easy to teach her to reach that level. First the generic programs get in the way, then the personal decisions and beliefs embedded in the mind from childhood get in the way. Next, one's own Shadows get in the way.

But if a man passes through all these thorns, he will be released from his own prison and will wait for each conflict to draw a new portion of the energy released from the Shadows.

Here's how he'll act.

A STEP-BY-STEP PLAN OF ACTION IN A CONFLICT:

In an emerging conflict, questions must be asked:

1. What's happening right now? This is how you stabilize yourself in space.

2. What do I feel?? Understanding your Shadows will give you the answer. For example: I feel pain, confusion, disorientation. It's the Shadows. They siphon off energy.

3. What I Wish Had Happened? The answer will give an understanding of your needs. For example: I want everyone to calm down and make peace. Identified needs: need for peace, need for togetherness.

4. What I am ready for right now? The answer clarifies your choice and intention. For example: For peace and quiet, I am willing to understand my interlocutor, what is the real reason for his reactions. It is important to realize that choice is the hardest thing for each person. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to make a choice. Where to get her??

5. Invoking the Anima/Animus and merging with your Inner Half. Connecting with your mate will give you the missing energy to interact with your conflicting partner.

6. Together with your mate, determine the feelings of the External Partner. What it feels right now?

7. Identify his needs: What he would like to see happen?

8. Identify his Shadows: What is keeping him from meeting his goals right now?

9. Recognize his merits and his merits in your relationship by looking at him from your inner half (Anima/Animus).

10. Point him to his Shadow, which now demands his attention and therefore prevents him from attaining satisfaction.

11. If your partner isn't ready to accept your Shadows and is aggressive, start accepting your own.

12. Reward him with compliments for looking deep inside himself. He accomplished the feat of looking at his Shadows.

13. Let him think about what happened, without asking him to immediately analyze the situation. Everyone has a different rate of recognition of the Shadows and it can take six months for a partner to become aware of their negative aspects.

As you can see, the Plan is not simple and requires skill. But there is no other solution in the world to take the conflict to the next level of the relationship. Anything else is manipulation and will lead to a breakup. What do you want??

Mastery comes when there is determination to achieve a goal. And the speed of acquiring mastery depends on the subtleties, nuances, and secrets passed on from Master to Disciple.